The Right to Love and Be Loved

Posted on March 25, 2015 by Sue Shanahan

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I attended two weddings a week apart last September. Both were beautiful celebrations of each couple’s love. What struck me was the contrast between the two events. Betty and Chris are lesbians and had a Chicago Blackhawks-themed affair. Nick and Jacquie are straight and had a traditional fairytale style wedding (think Cinderella). Both were joyful and life-affirming. It’s wonderful how inclusive we are becoming about what constitutes a marriage in the United States. I couldn’t imagine comparing two occasions like this even five years ago.

Nick and Jacquie

“Marriage – gay and straight – is a gift to the world because the world needs more not less love, fidelity, commitment, devotion and sacrifice.” ~Rob and Kristen Bell, The Zimzum of Love

There was a time when same-sex marriage was not even a thought in my stratosphere. In my youth, homosexuality was kept so hush, hush I didn’t even know it existed until I was a 19-year-old art student. Getting over the shock that two members of the same sex could be lovers took a while for me. I was raised Catholic and soon learned that being gay was a sin in the eyes of the Church. Many branches of Christianity use scripture to condemn homosexuality. They strictly adhere to the Bible being God’s infallible word. When I realized the Bible accepted slavery, it left an opening for me to question the validity of words written two thousand years ago. I came to the conclusion to trust what my heart knew all along: we have a right to be who we are and to love who we love.

“Make no mistake, I am a Christian and I believe in God and I don’t believe he makes mistakes, so I believe that being gay is not a sin and in fact it’s how you’re made.” ~Kristin Chenowith

I’m a woman who was raised to believe she was flawed. Growing up, I was always larger than the other girls. My mother was disgusted with my pudginess and used it to make me feel “less than.” A body-obsessed society backed up her feelings toward me. Although soul crushing, growing up in that environment is what gave me compassion for gays. I knew homosexuality wasn’t a choice any more than my size was. It didn’t make sense that someone would choose a way of being in the world that would hold them up to ridicule. The bodies we are born into are no accident. Who we are is a gift.

“If God wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.” ~Johann van Goethe

Today is a new day. America is evolving and opening its arms in an ever broader embrace. I see it in the weddings I attend. Betty and Chris’s love was celebrated and as special as Nick and Jacquie’s. As Hillary Rodham Clinton observed, “Gay rights are human rights.” The legalizing of same sex marriage is our reclaiming of the truths written in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Once again, we the people have spoken.

Betty and Chris

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This story also appeared on MariaShriver.com — THE most inspiring place on the web.

Calling Out My Angel

Posted on January 14, 2015 by Sue Shanahan

Maggie

Every visible thing in this world is in the charge of an angel. – Saint Augustine

I have to begin this post with a disclaimer: I know what comes next may sound crazy. Even so, it is my truth. Some months ago, my guardian angel was introduced to me in a dream. The image I saw was so vivid, it’s stayed with me ever since. I began toying with the idea of having her likeness made into a figure by a fine art doll-maker I came across on Etsy. Vilma is from Lithuania and her one-of-a-kind creations speak to me. I contacted her with my request and a description of the angel. In her reply she asked me to send her a sketch. For me, that’s not as easy as it sounds.

As an artist, my illustrations always stem from life, meaning I use photographic references. I may add magical elements to the piece, but they are always based on photos. I need to do that to get the realism that my muse demands. I was a little leery about drawing an image that lived only in my mind, but I decided to give it a shot.

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. – Michelangelo

When my pencil rendering was finished, I posted it on my FaceBook fan page. I was surprised by how much interest it received. Quite a few of my followers said they were excited about seeing the finished art. Today is “ta-da” day, the day I’m sharing my angel with the world. I know the anatomy isn’t perfect but I’m satisfied that I’ve captured her essence.

Many people are curious about what I learned from my angelic encounter. First off. my guardian’s name is Margaret but I call her Maggie (which is fine with her). She has green eyes and auburn hair (that may explain my mini obsession with drawing and painting redheads). As you can see, her robes are pink and coral, colors I would have never chosen on my own. Did you notice the star on the top of her head? She told me she wears it for special occasions such as Christmas, my birthday and the birthdays of those I love. I learned from Maggie that I share her with others in my life at times. By that, she meant if I’m concerned about someone she will do what she can to help. She also said that if I loved myself more it would make her job so much easier. That surprised me and has made me really work on how I treat myself. The most important thing she imparted to me is the more I invoke her help the freer she is to be a part of my life.

Getting Maggie’s likeness down on paper has made her real to me. It’s a comfort to feel her presence. I try and remember to ask her for guidance because she sees the big picture. I’m sure some who read this will believe I was given a gift while others will think I’m delusional. Sure, it’s occurred to me that my dream sprung from an overactive imagination. Then again, I just may have taken a peek into eternity. Whatever the cause for my guardian angel’s materialization, I’m going to go with it. Believing we are all watched over and guided makes life so much easier.

There exists another world, an invisible world, real as our own, it is all around us: it is peopled with angels: they travel with you and play a part in your lives. – Pope Pius XII

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The Gift Within the Gift

Posted on December 24, 2014 by Sue Shanahan

“O Holy Night” © Sue Shanahan 2014

“To have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth….is potentially to have everything.” ― Joan Didion

”O Holy Night” is my very favorite Christmas song, although, I never gave it much thought until I heard Mariah Carey sing it. Her version was so beautiful a chill traveled up my spine to the top of my head. Her voice made me really listen to the lyrics for the first time. They were stunning, and they made me wonder.

“O holy night the stars are brightly shining.

It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Until He appeared and the soul felt its worth.”

Before the birth of Christ, the world muddled along in darkness. Humanity didn’t have the awareness or power to live any other way. Yet their hearts longed for more. The line, “Until He appeared and the soul felt its worth” connects the Nativity to the realization of who we are. We were valuable enough to have the son of God incarnate on our behalf. Mankind had been given a twofold gift. With the birth of Jesus came a power and energy like the planet had never seen. On top of that, we were given the grace to know we were worthy to receive it. The cage door had been flung open, and we had the self-worth to reach and take the hand offered to us. We needed a Savior and the world has never been the same since the day He appeared.

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From Me to You

Posted on November 5, 2014 by Sue Shanahan

Today’s post is short, sweet, and holds a gift for you. Sign up for my email list and receive a free, signed 5 x 7 print of The Big Picture. CLICK IMAGE BELOW TO SIGN UP. If you are already on the list and want one, email your request along with your name and address to sue@sueshanahan.com.

The Big Picture

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Plastic Has No Heart

Posted on September 10, 2014 by Sue Shanahan

Keeping it real: Three Friends in a Hammock © Sue Shanahan 2000

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” – Amy Bloom

Lately, I’ve been conscious of a trend that makes my heart jump for joy. Have you noticed that more and more ordinary people are on TV and in the movies? For too long there’s only been room for Hollywood glamour. That standard was allowed to exist by a world that sought happiness from the external. As a young girl, I was indoctrinated and blindly aligned myself to that belief system. But not anymore. I, along with many others, have outgrown that life-view. Welcome tall, short, fat, thin, young, old and every color. Welcome me. Welcome you.

It’s hard to believe that when I began my career as an illustrator, I couldn’t find work because the people in my drawings looked too “real.” I was advised to stylize my children like the Gerber Baby because more women would relate to it. Can you believe that? I was exasperated by the assumption that only blue-eyed Caucasian babies were relatable. There was and is a place in the world for every mother’s child.

Fast forward to today. My illustrations, featuring children of all shapes, sizes and colors, are viewed as politically correct and affirming. Plastic surgery and the coloring of grey hair are being reconsidered by strong women in the limelight. The doors for self-love and self-worth are now open wide enough for everyone to fit through. We are fine just the way we are.

“When you’re always trying to conform to the norm, you lose your uniqueness, which can be the foundation of your greatness.” – Dale Archer

I would go so far as to say that embracing “who we are” is what helped launch Pharrell Williams’ song, Happy, into the stratosphere. That tune went nowhere until its video was released showing people of all ages, ethnicities, and body types dancing to it. To add to the explosion Pharrell’s fans posted videos from across the globe grooving to his song. Happy became a celebration of life and the beauty of humanity.

And what about Colbie Caillat’s song, Try? Its video blasts Photoshop and the unrealistic beauty standards put on women and girls. During the film, Colbie removes her hair extensions and her make-up bit-by-bit. At the end, what’s left is someone we can connect to. You see it’s nearly impossible relating to someone who’s body is decorated and molded. There is no heart in plastic. Being who we are is where our power lies.

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How can I be Plus Size and Invisible?

Posted on May 7, 2014 by Sue Shanahan

I am a plus-sized woman. There is no hiding that. Although being large was the bane of my youth, at 58 I’ve come to terms with what is. I’ve spent a large portion of my life on a diet merry-go-round that only made me dizzy. It was a cycle of being horrified by what I saw in the mirror, restricting my eating and then slowly going back to my old ways and previous weight.

Sometimes I wonder, “What if there is no changing my body?” For years I’ve tried to shrink myself to a more acceptable size without any long term success. Could I be predisposed to be this way? That seems like a real possibility when I look at my family tree. I come from a long line of big women. I recently came across a photograph of my great-grandmother in the 1930’s. Her life was filled with hard physical labor and unprocessed food. She lived today’s formula for being slender. Yet despite all of that her body was fat, and I’m built just like her.

“And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me. My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see.” ~India Arie, Video

Perhaps being ample sized isn’t optimal, but I’ve come to the conclusion that just may be who I am. I’m in the process of doing an, “I love myself” experiment. Instead of looking in the mirror in disgust, I bless my body. I wear the beauty of my ancestors. I affirm that my physicality is the perfect vehicle to manifest my life’s purpose. Not only do I have the soul of an artist, I have the fine motor skills to transcribe my vision onto paper. My eyes and brain work together perfectly to mix the subtle colors I envision for my paintings. My body is healthy and energetic. I have good skin and pretty eyes. Most of all, I’m grateful that it had the miraculous ability to grow and give birth to my three children.

So far my self-love experiment has been very healing. I’ve found the voice in my head is much more cruel than the outside world – for the most part. The other day while having lunch with a friend, I felt a sting from her words that I’ve experienced from others before. Lizzie (not her real name) revealed to me that she was worried about her daughter. She was afraid that her little girl would grow up with Lizzie’s sister’s metabolism and not hers. Lizzie, an effortless size four was horrified at the thought of her daughter ever having bigger hips and a curvier derrière. I assured her she had nothing to worry about and our discussion moved on to other matters.

When I returned home, I couldn’t shake my feelings of low self-worth. When Lizzy confided in me, she totally disregarded that I embody the destiny she dreads for her daughter. Instead of speaking up on my own behalf, I pushed down my outrage. No wonder I felt bad. I couldn’t understand Lizzie’s unawareness of how her concerns would affect me. She was so considerate in other areas of her life. How come she couldn’t see the body I live in is what she considers a fate worse than death? In my silence, I had sold myself out.

“I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man’s self-respect is a sin.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I remember watching the The View when it first aired. Joy Behar ridiculed Ted Kennedy’s paunch by showing a picture of him boating shirtless. Plus-sized Star Jones sat next to Joy as she got her laughs at the then senator’s expense. I couldn’t believe it. How could Joy not comprehend that the cruel humor she poured over Ted Kennedy washed over Star too? I left a message about Ms. Behar’s insensitivity on the telephone hotline The View had set up at the time. To the show’s credit, I never heard any of their hosts engage in that kind of crassness again.

Looking back, I wish I had had the clarity to stand up to Lizzie’s remarks that diminished me. This kind of of prejudice is oh-so-subtle but still hurtful. It is part of the overall marginalization of women of size. If it happens again, I will shed some light on how her lack of consideration makes me feel. I am no longer bound to a body standard that is eerily close to a Barbie doll. I want to be seen and appreciated for who I am. Being plus-sized does not mean I’m invisible or, deaf either, for that matter.

My daughter and plus-sized me.

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Silencing the Critic

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Sue Shanahan

A Little Kindness

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” ― C.G. Jung

Being considerate to others is encouraged. But what about being kind to ourselves? Somewhere along the way most of us learned self-compassion is self-indulgence. If we don’t constantly reprimand ourselves, a monster will be unleashed. We will become slothful, greedy egomaniacs who run their lives into the ground. That’s where the inner critic comes in. Always humming in the background, its voice judges our every move, keeping us in line.

In truth, self-abasement keeps us stuck. I’ve learned trying to corral yourself with constant criticism blocks the whisper of God. To quiet that internal voice for one day is frightening but ends up feeling like heaven. The more you try to control, the more you remain in your head and not your heart and soul. Being exceedingly gentle with yourself clears the channel and allows guidance to flow through. Somehow with self-acceptance the need to judge everyone else vanishes too. Giving to ourselves and giving to others are one and the same. Wrapping a blanket of kindness around yourself, ends up engulfing the whole world, muffling the drone of the fault-finder forever.

My nephew Matt lets his puppy Nate lick peanut butter off of a lint roller used to simulate an ice cream cone.

www.sueshanahan.com

Born Under a Dancing Star

Posted on April 24, 2013 by Sue Shanahan

“A star danced, and under that was I born. ”

― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

I love children. They move through life unabashedly, celebrating exactly who they are. Try asking a kid under the age of eight, if they think they’re cute. Anytime I have, I’ve always been answered with a resounding “yes.” Each child could barely contain their good fortune at being born. Few of us are lucky enough to carry this joy of existence into adulthood. At what point did we become blind to our exquisiteness? Perhaps this lack of vision contributed to Peter Pan’s decision to never grow up.

It’s true, we each have our own beauty and peculiarity’s. I am encouraged by the trend to love who we are, both inside and out. It’s refreshing to know that we don’t all need to fit into the same box. Moreover, we were born not to. Woven together we make up the tapestry of our perfectly, imperfect world. The contrast of our uniqueness is what gives depth and vibrancy to life. Children know what medieval artisans knew when they purposely left a mistake in their tapestry – perfection is boring. Idiosyncrasies are what make life interesting. Thank goodness, because we all have them.

Today is the perfect day to begin viewing life like a child again. Love yourself because of your flaws, not in spite of them. They may well be God’s gift to you.

My cousin’s daughter Kenna showing me what “Ta Da” looks like.

Kenna all grown up. Born under a dancing star, indeed.

http://www.sueshanahan.com

There Is Nothing Better Than Being Yourself

Posted on June 6, 2012 by Sue Shanahan

“Allow your body to be exactly what it’s naturally supposed to be, and embrace it.”

-Portia de Rossi from The Conversation on Lifetime TVThere Is Nothing Better Than Being Yourself

When my daughter Bridget began going to Junior High it became achingly apparent that she had entered the world of “looksism.” How she looked on the outside was now more important than her beautiful mind and gorgeous heart. My reaction to her new way of moving through the world was to illustrate the above poster. Who decides what beautiful is anyway?

I like to think my art was the beginning of Bridget’s questioning and rejecting what the media was thrusting upon her. Today she is all grown up and secure in who she is – inside and out. She works in television as an anchor/reporter and it’s a joy to watch her confidently share her gift with the world. I want all girls to feel like that. 🙂

* What makes us beautiful? If you have a moment share your thoughts.*Bridget helping my little dancers get ready for the photo shoot.Molly, Amy, Ali and Malina, in all their glory.A pensive Molly. I love the soulfulness in her eyes. Mo is my niece and a lovely young actress now. Soon she will be off to LA to pursue her dreams.In this shot Malina is sweetness personified

Commonplace Grace

Tag Archives: self love

The Right to Love and Be Loved

Calling Out My Angel

The Gift Within the Gift

From Me to You

Plastic Has No Heart

How can I be Plus Size and Invisible?

Silencing the Critic

Born Under a Dancing Star

“A star danced, and under that was I born. ”

There Is Nothing Better Than Being Yourself

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